Friday, July 21, 2006

Spirituality and Kinkiness

It seems like a lot of the people in my life are engaged in seeking some sort of spiritual path; especially those who are also part of the Leather/BDSM community. It's become a trend recently for people to spiritualize what is otherwise a perfectly reasonable hedonistic activity. Why does one need to see god in one's sadomasochism, any more than one needs to see god in a sunset. Some things are beautiful, others highly pleasurable, and others are mind-bending and produce altered states. These sorts of experiences cause me to pose the question: Isn't it enough to have an experience, without having to "god it up".

I've thought long and hard over whether my objections to all this make-your-own-religion are based in my early exposure to xtianity, and I have to conclude that they are not. If the point of belief is to connect to some sense of the divine, as greater than ones' self, then isn't it ridiculous to believe something of your own invention? Or of anyone else's invention?

How do you identify your personal life choices as a divine plan? And why do those divine plans always seem to coincide with what these you would want to do anyhow? So, you like to give control to someone else? That must mean that you are destined to do so, right? There's no chance that you just enjoy that? I certainly enjoy D/s, although I am aware that it's a form of entertainment for me, and for Spouse One. Like anything that one chooses to devote time to, there will be work involved in getting good at it, but just like developing skill at tennis, one can develop skill at service, or submission, without having to feel as though they are somehow achieving closeness with the divine. I worked hard at learning to crochet, does that mean that there is a god who means me to crochet? or just that i worked hard to achieve proficiency at something that entertains me?

I adore Spouse One, but it seems insane to me to believe that my life purpose could be to serve any one person. Or, in fact, any number of people. I can understand on some level, that desire to feel special, or singled out by the universe for a purpose, but the reality is that it's all a form of self delusion. I've met so many pagans, and xtians, and all kinds of people who just really feel like their personal vision of god/gods/nature/higher power, or whatever has some kind of purpose for them that involves gratifying their kinks. As Penn and Teller would say: Bullshit!

Yeah, I've done some pretty intense body modifications, including scalpelled cuttings, and cautery branding, and they all gave me a pretty intense "high" and had personal meaning for me. But that's just it, the meanings were for me, and for the person performing the mods, but there wasn't anything beyond that. Isn't it enough to share a great experience, or to prove one's bravery, without having to pretend some kind of spiritual connection. Yes, intense experiences create emotional and psychological bonds, and if, as I do, you like that sort of thing, then go for it, but leave the religion out of it please.

At least if you want to play with me.

Tuesday, July 11, 2006


Recently we purchased a "box of numbers - otherwise known as a scale.

This is due to a recent alteration in the thinking of both Spouse One and myself, that while hedonism is all well and good, there is a definite limit to the enjoyment available when one has become overly fat. Chairs pinch the behind, clothes are more expensive, and frankly, the number of available sexual positions is restricted.

So we have embarked on a lifestyle change. While I have yet to make it to any sort of building housing physical activity machinery (does Costco count?), I have in fact lost over 1/5 of the weight that I wish to lose.

Seeing as I have been fat all my life, the goal is not to become particularly svelte, but simply to become sleek as a seal, rather than my previous dugong-like proportions.