Sunday, January 13, 2008

Encore de l'Angoisse Métaphysique

I'm having another phase of wanting to tell the Universe "enough!"

My Aunt and cousin are forcing the sale of the cottage, and we don't have the money to buy them out, so a whole huge part of my life is just suddenly going to be gone.

*2011 edit* I do realize that this was just my perspective at the time, and I was angry, and hurt, and sad. The world changes so incredibly much, and I wanted things to be someone's fault, I guess. *end edit*

I can't even talk to them, because it's so stupid. After capital gains, and tax, and everything they'll be lucky to come out with 70K, and no way in hell is 70K going to solve anyone's life. They think it's going to get them a new house, and cars, and boats, and the life they've always dreamed of. My cousin (and hubby) are 24 so I can see where she might think so, but her mom ought to know better.

It's the place where the family gets together. It's winterized. It's rented in the summer and covers it's own expenses pretty much. It's on a nice lake...AND it's completely paid for. Nevermind the fact that my grandparents who left them the cottage most certainly did not intend for them to sell it to buy a house. The point was that it should be a place for the family to be together outside in nature.

Also, it's the only place that really ever felt like home to me, so it's like losing my grandparents and my safe place and everything all over again.

So that's the first thing.

Next, I've been having all kinds of migraines this fall and winter, and on New Year's Eve had a seizure for the first time ever. Now I'm waiting to see a neurologist, and there's been some rather frightening talk of having seen "something - no big deal" on the CT scan of my brain. Excuse me, but that's my brain. I'm using that, and need to know everything about how it's doing.

The result is that I'm on new medication, seeing a lot more of doctors and hospitals that I'd like to be, and trying to find some way to force them to give me the MRI sooner than a month, so I can know what's going on. As a side bonus, I am also now not allowed to drive for 3 months, so suburban life is rather more hellish. This morning I want nothing more than to just be able to get out of the house, and yet, without a car I'm stuck with walking to a convenience store as my only option, and that's a 20 minute walk. (Spouse One has declined my offer to get up and entertain me by taking me somewhere.)