Thursday, July 23, 2009

I want

I'm in pain. I don't know who I am anymore, and even shopping doesn't fix anything. I want to run away, I want to start again, I want to die, I want to move...

Honestly, I really don't like anything about my life, and I'm tired of being told to be grateful for the things that I have. I want things in my life to improve, and I don't know how to get there. Spouse One is getting on with her life, and I'm miserable at being left behind. I might as well be dead.

I feel so completely hopeless, and I really just want to get on with things, but being involved with so much government, and having to jump through so many hoops just makes it seem like it's outside of my autonomous control.

My faith in people is shaken, my faith in life is shaken, my faith in the world is shaken, and my faith in myself is shaken, so there isn't all that much left.