Why I don’t like Dan Savage’s “It Gets Better” project as a response to bullying

I was bullied.

I am a survivor. I am wholeheartedly glad that I made it through that night, when I attempted suicide 22 years ago, at 15. I think it was worth it.

I also remember what it felt like to be me that night. And all those other nights, and telling me that 22 years later, I'd be OK, wouldn't have helped. I wanted to be OK right then. I wanted someone to tell me that my gay best friend was going to marry me so i could be normal, or that it was OK to look at other girls, or that i wasn't fat and ugly, or that it was OK to feel how i felt, because sometimes the world is a shitty place, and that feeling that is OK too.

I needed not to be alone. I needed to be heard. I needed to be allowed to exist. I needed a voice, and a space.

But things didn't get better in that wonderful, rosy, gorgeous way that they're supposed to.  I didn't finish High School, and move to the "Big City".  I lived in the Big City.  Toronto. Canada's largest. 

I got kicked out of the house in second year university for coming out.  I almost lost a year of school, and eventually dropped out of the B.Ed. program because I couldn't stand being closeted anymore.  This was in 1993 or 1994, so there were no protections yet. 

It took my Mom 10 years to accept me, and now, 17 years later, we are working through some of the issues relating to the abuse from my childhood.  I know that I am lucky, and some people never get any kind of resolution.  It's a lot of work, all the time, and it's a constant, ongoing choice.

I've had, and lost, one very important relationship, and a few shorter ones.
That has been very hard.  Divorce is excruciating, whether you are queer or straight.

We make a mistake telling queer kids lies about their futures.  The only thing that's worth saying is that they matter to us.  Telling them that they are worth something to us.  That they are family.  We are supposed to be a family.  We are supposed to be a community, we are supposed to be the Elders.  C'mon folks, we need to step up here, and be the community we claim to be.

We care. You matter. Life can be hard. Sometimes it hurts. Sometimes it hurts so badly you don't know if you can keep going. But there are people who care. Come and find us. Please. We will do our best to walk beside you until you do not need us anymore, and then we will walk beside you as a friend.

That's the message.

I had people who stood beside me.  It made all the difference, and I am so grateful.  Every time life has kicked me down, there have been people to come and stand beside me so I can get back on my feet.  I owe them my life.  We need to make sure that we are doing this for each other, and for our youth.

These our our kids.