Day 03 - Your parents

M,

I love you. I was talking to you last night about your new bed, and I'm so glad you got yourself something nice that you really like. You deserve it.

I know things were bad when I was a kid. I know we come from a family of self-castigators, and nothing is ever right until it's perfect, but really, I didn't try to talk to you about things to hurt you, or to emphasize faults, I just needed the truth, my truth I suppose, to be heard, so that I could be done with it.

I see that you did the best you could, and in so many ways you did an incredible job. I was a lucky kid, in that I got to swim, and craft, and travel, and I have such a lot of great memories of going interesting places, meeting interesting people and doing interesting things.

Thank you for that.

L.

D,

Well, I don't know what to say. You've never really been a part of my life. I used to wish you were, and then I hated you at a distance and was glad you were not, and now I am innured to the idea.  You are who you are, I guess. It hurt for a long time that you had another family that was worth sticking around for, but without knowing the details of it, I'll never know how much that was worth to them either, or whether that was better or worse.  In reality, I suppose, it is quite likely that you were never the parent that I imagined as a child anyhow.

When I wanted a rescuer, and a protector, and a knight in shining armour, you were conspicuously absent. That said, I've had some truly inspiring men in my life, and I would not have traded the opportunities I had of getting to be under thier wings, and in their circles for any chance of being yours if I could go back and do things over again, so in hindsight, I guess things worked out for the best.

L.