Access Intimacy - A response...

 Access intimacy is defined in this incredible article as "the closeness I would feel with people who my disabled body just felt a little bit safer and at ease with."

It's not the complete definition, and you should definitely go read the thing itself, but the idea makes perfect sense.  There's something to be said for just feeling at home in your skin.

When you're someone with a disability that becomes something rather more fraught.  There's more fear around disclosure, more stress around limitations, and more worry on everyone's part.

Issues I've encountered are:
1. I want to seem fine so people keep asking me to things, don't want to slow people down/ruin the experience, or the mood, or otherwise be an impediment.
2. My pain or fatigue causes me to be less enthusiastic than I might have been otherwise, and I worry about being seen as a "downer"
3. Others worry about me, and that interferes with their enjoyment.
4. Others worry about me, and that interferes with my enjoyment.
5. It is hard to admit to not being able to do things, and so I seem flaky because I sometimes cancel or change plans at the last minute
6. My health is unpredictable, so I seem flaky because I cancel at the last minute.
7. I want people to like me, so I don't talk about what's going on with me as much as I should, and seem standoffish when really I'm just in pain.

It's such a fine line to ask others to walk as well:

Care about me, but not so that I feel smothered.
Offer to help, but not so much that I feel helpless. 
Understand that I can't always do things, but don't coun't me out in advance.
Don't take it personally when I'm bitchy because of being in pain, but when I'm bitchy, don't discount it, asking "are you in pain?"