The first time

The car is dark.  I remember blurry lights, and it feels like it's raining. It might not have been, but that's the sensation.  The man driving is very very angry, but also very kind to me. He is angry at the passenger, who is the Dean of Students at my boarding school.  I am passing in and out of consciousness in the back seat, and he keeps reminding me to stay awake, gently, saying my name.  his voice is kind, not like the others here, who do not like me.  I am different.  I disrupt their ideas of "nice".   I have always  disrupted people's ideas of nice.  There was always more to me, more to be seen, more going on. more.

I don't remember arriving at the hospital. I do remember drinking activated charcoal - yeuch. And lying in a hospital bed, alone, with an IV, and that steady drip, and everyone being very kind.

That was the first time I had a 50% chance of living through something.
On that occasion, it was through the night.