Judge Adams, and being triggered, again...

I watched that seven and a half minutes.  It took forever, and it alternately felt like my heart was breaking, like I had gone back 25 years, and like I was losing my mind.

So, yes, it was triggering. The out-of-control impotent rage of an adult who has been defied, and feels no other recourse.  The bombardment of questions once the subject/child has been broken down and is willing to apologize. "Yes Sir", "Yes Ma'am", but really these are not the sounds of obedience, beaten in, they are the sounds of calcifying rage and hate.

The initial shock and horror at being dehumanized, screamed at, handled roughly, told to leave, or threatened with being disowned is replaced with gradual acceptance of a way of life which includes uncertainty and fear. 

POWs come back damaged because of being confined, shouted at, terrorized, beaten, being subjected to confusing and illogical routines of punishment and humiliation, a lack of privacy and autonomy. 

There is a reason why we see C-PTSD as a crossover in abuse survivors and veterans. It's the ongoing nature of the trauma, and the inescapable nature of the situation that do the worst damage. Survival becomes automatic, and escape an impossible dream.

It's not the beatings that do the worst damage, honestly. It's the terror. I was scared of losing my home. I got sent away a lot, and got terrorized by the people I got sent to as well. None of them laid a hand on me, but similar tag-team verbal abuse happened on those sleepovers, and I won't ever get over that.  Having two grown-ups attack you, discuss you as if you don't exist, devalue you, and then have you beg for the right to debase yourself and apologize.

Yeah, it's all too familiar.  I'm glad she got the word out, and I hope she sees justice done.