The second time

I had been having trouble with being tired, and being out of sorts a lot.  Couldn't figure out what it was, exactly, but it seemed like I was just short tempered. 

That day, I felt dizzy while walking down the stairs. I passed it off as jitters about going out, needing to eat.  It wasn't the first time.

Less than half an hour later I came to, sitting on the sofa, surrounded by firemen and paramedics, having just had my first tonic-clonic (grand mal) seizure, and then heading to a local hospital.  It was New Year's Eve.  I spent it in the ER.

That was the first of the seizures, and the first of the strokes. Altogether, there were 3 strokes, and 5 or 6 major seizures, and innumerable minor ones.  They figured out it was Lupus, with blood clotting disorders, central nervous system involvement, seizures, obviously, and I got a bunch of new medications. 

That was the second time I was given a 50% chance of survival. 
That time it was surviving the next 5 years. 
I have 13 months to go.

It would take another two years to figure out that the short-temperedness had to do with being in pain, because I have excellent internal mechanisms for blocking pain, and gritting my teeth to get through what I have to get through.  It just doesn't leave much room for interpersonal interaction.